Emotional or physical abuse is an all too frequent occurrence for many children and women. Surveys indicate that as many as a fifth of all women are verbally abused at some time during their marriage, and at least 10% of them are abused on a regular basis.
When raging, some men will use verbal or physical intimidation or threats. However, abuse by women is almost always verbal. Remember that verbal or emotional abuse can occur almost anywhere, even online and through e-mail.
Victims of emotional abuse experience intense suffering that interferes with their quality of life,ability to be a good parent, their ability to trust others and their capability to perform well inside the home and the workplace. Some victims of abuse may even attempt suicide rather than continue to endure the harassment.
Men who rant, rave and bully their partners thrive on controlling or dominating them. They have often been the victims of physical or emotional abuse themselves. They can be depressed,angry or upset about almost anything.
Abusers often get involved with women who are passive or easily intimidated. Their victims were often raised in abusive households themselves and look at their chaotic and tumultuous relationships as almost an expected part of family life.
If you are emotionally abusive, you must seek help as soon as possible. Without treatment, your behavior can lead to serious emotional and, even, physical damage to your spouse or children, as well as trying and expensive legal problems.
If your behavior continues, a comprehensive evaluation by a clinical psychologist or other mental health professional should be arranged. The evaluation can help you understand what is causing it and help you stop your destructive behavior.
If you are a victim of spousal abuse, however, do not lapse into denial. You must consult with a therapist and disclose what is happening. You must keep going to counseling regularly, talk in an open and honest way and be prepared to take action to protect you and your kids. Remember that it is not your fault, and that you are doing the right thing by participating in counseling and following your therapists advice.
Other specific suggestions include:
Ask your therapist what he or she thinks should be done. What has worked for others? What does not work?
Read articles and books about verbal abuse. Read about what you need to do and use your communitys anger management training classes and resources.
If at all possible, do not physically fight the abuser or argue back. Use the leave and ignore strategy; get away from the perpetrator by leaving the immediate environment. If it is possible to go to another location, do so. Otherwise, escape to another room and lock the door behind you.
Do not argue and do not acknowledge the abusers behavior. Practice the correct way to respond to your partners behavior with your therapist.
Occasionally, the simple act of insisting that the perpetrator leave you alone, may work. However, remember that the abusers true goals are usually to dominate, enjoy watching you suffer or get a response and recognition from you. Therefore, freeing yourself from the immediate environment and not engaging him at all is often the best way to cope.
Spend a lot of time with family and friends at home and elsewhere. Abusers often try cutting you off from the outside world and attempt to isolate you. However, more than anything, at this time, you must maintain regular contact with your counselor and members of your support network.
A clinical psychologist or other mental health professional will help you develop a strategy to deal with the abuse. Also, remember, that seeking professional assistance earlier can lessen the risk of lasting emotional consequences for you and your children. |
