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Back to Humor

Who\'s The Weaker Sex?


by Knight Pierce Hirst

Women live an average of five years longer than men. That shouldn't be a surprise. That's life.

It begins with girls playing less violent games. As girls grow up, they play the same sports as boys; but they don't play them as violently. When girls grow from adolescence to womanhood, they're not limping.

Women are built to propagate - to carry a growing life from fertilized egg to newborn - from conception to seven or eight pounds. Men are built to carry sperm.

Carrying a baby for nine months changes a woman's perspective as much as it changes her figure. We see our lives change and learn to adjust. Not fitting into the same size jeans is usually one of the biggest adjustments.

When a man's jeans don't fit, he buys a larger size. On men fat is called beer bellies or love handles. On women fat is called fat and all the exercise we get trying to overturn that double standard doesn't budge it.

Vanity motivates women to take better care of themselves. We go to the doctor more than men do. We don't see it as a sign of weakness. We see pain as a sign that something is wrong. Of course, if it's a pain in the neck, it would probably be more helpful for us to go to a marriage counselor.

Today women are on the go as much as men. Being on the go in heels teaches us the importance of balance in our lives - but not in our checkbooks.

Women ask directions - not just about how to get somewhere, but also how to get through life. Friends, religious leaders and psychologists show us the way and make it less bumpy. Men just keep driving and expect shock absorbers to take care of all the bumps.

Maybe a man's inability to ask directions stems from his inability to share his feelings. When men get together, they share exaggerations.

Married men have more time to exaggerate because they live longer than single men. That shouldn't be a surprise. That's marriage.

When a man gets married, he not only gets a wife, he also gets a housekeeper, a cook, a nurse, a social secretary and a lover. If he has children, he gets a nanny too. For men marrying is like one stop shopping.

Women would outlive men by more than five years if they had wives.

About the Author
Knight Pierce Hirst takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com
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