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Back to Humor

How Many Bad Habits Can A Good Person Have?


by Knight Pierce Hirst

Hopefully confessing bad habits makes us better people. My first confession is spell check had to remind me habit is spelled with one "B".

According to behavioral scientists, it takes three weeks to "change the way you do something" and to be successful you have to replace the bad way with a good way. That was the way I dated when I was a teenager.

Although John was the last, date replacement, my husband has been a bad influence on me. He's the one who's usually late. I find something to do to keep busy while I'm waiting for him, then he finds something to do while he's waiting for me to finish what I started.

This goes on until one of us gives in so we don't miss whatever it is we're already late for. It's hard for us to give in because we both want to be right. Why not? Our country is founded on a bill of rights.

I know speeding isn't right, but my car was made in 1969. I get excited when I can keep up with cars going seventy mph. It's the only time in my life I get to be in the fast lane.

Bad language isn't one of my problems, but I've overheard conversations where the F-word is used as an adjective, adverb, verb and noun. I've been tempted to ask if they talked that way if front of their mothers, but then I'd be called the mother version of the F-word.

Doctors say it's okay to have one or two alcoholic beverages a day - that people who drink in moderation have fewer heart attacks and strokes. That makes me feel better about my martinis. I should. My drink of choice contains a green vegetable.

It was my choice to try to help a friend get organized. I suggested she make a list each morning of what she had to do, but somehow I created a monster. My friend assigns specific times for each thing on her list. If she sneezes, she gets behind schedule. If she gets behind schedule, she gets depressed. If she gets depressed, my good intention turns the rest of her day into a bad day.

I'm trying to be a better person. I've given up coffee and smoking. I've tried to reduce stress and increase sleep. I'm just trying for more good habits - not a nun's outfit.

About the Author
Knight Pierce Hirst takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com
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