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Back to Humor

What Do You Want In A President?


by Knight Pierce Hirst

No one man has all the qualities I want my president to have, but maybe I want too much. I want a man of the people - someone who understands the problems of the common man - someone who tells it like it is - someone like a termite inspector.

My candidate should have experience governing. He should work unceasingly to get different groups to work together for the common good. He should have been a PTA President. Of course, getting people to work together requires compromise; and we've seen that compromising positions can be very difficult for some government officials.

Experience in world affairs is a must; but if it were the only qualification, Elizabeth Taylor would have been our first woman president. Honesty is another must or is honesty and government official an oxymoron?

I want my leader to be open-minded and independent - to listen to what the people say and not just say what he thinks we want to hear. I want to see the back of the President's head when he makes speeches so I know special interests aren't pulling the string that makes him talk.

I think the head of my country should be someone who believes devoutly in family - short of polygamy, that is. He should have charisma. JFK had it. Clinton had it. Clint Eastwood has it. In fact, Clint Eastwood has the experience to act like a president and the experience to direct the country.

A sense of humor is a plus for a leader. The people want to laugh with him - not laugh at him. I thought Chevy Chase would be good, but he tends to be a fall guy. Billy Crystal would be better. He's funny and he's good at award ceremonies.

Although the President doesn't half to be tall, people subconsciously associate height with power. A tall president would be looked up to by the world. When I think tall, I think Shaquille O'Neal. As a reserve, Miami Beach policeman, he's a peace officer. He's someone who believes in law enforcement. Shaq's been a team player - with three different teams; and he'd give new meaning to the term "shacking up".

Last, but not least, is the age factor. I want a president old enough to be wise, but at least a decade away from wisdumb. I want a wise man with courage instead of gold, frankincense or myrrh.

About the Author
Knight Pierce Hirst takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com
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