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Back to Humor

How Do You Define Friend?


by Knight Pierce Hirst

The dictionary defines friend as "a person one knows well and is fond of". First, this is too vague a definition to describe a female friend.

Second, if I'm not meant to end a sentence with a preposition, I don't think Webster's Dictionary, the protector of our language, should end a definition with one.

Of course, a true pal wouldn't mind. A true pal wouldn't mind if you ended a sentence with a dangling participle.

People become buddies because they have something in common - work, church, not being able to get out of chaperoning a school trip. A woman, however, makes a better buddy for a woman than a man would.

A woman will talk to you during football season. She'll even turn off the television to talk to you and she'll talk about feelings.

A soul sister is a unique being. She tells you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not. In return, you'd do anything for her. Okay - not windows.

A female, constant compannion helps you through the hard times - well, maybe not a bad hair day. When you think your life couldn't get any worse, she points out your family hasn't been invited to be on the Jerry Springer Show. When you are feeling blue because of the quality of the men in your life, she reminds you that you never dated Geraldo Rivera.

A female playmate doesn't tell your age, let you be surprised by surprise parties or talk behind your back - unless she's watching your back at the same time. If your daughter still has eleven boxes of Girl Scout cookies to sell, she'll buy them

A female confidant is always there for you, even when she's miles away. She'll be on the phone as long as you need her and often longer.

Some say a cherished chum is someone you'd pick to be a relative, but a chum wouldn't do that to a truly cherished chum, so I have my own definitions.

A friend is born from convenience and proven by inconvenience. When you ask a friend for a favor, she says when - not why. Life is a balancing act; a friend is the safety net. Love may make the world go around, but a friend keeps you from falling off.

Friendship is a gift we can give to ourselves. To have a friend you have to be one - which explains the "i" in friendship.

About the Author
Knight Pierce Hirst takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com
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