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Back to Humor

Are They Minding Their Own Business?


by Knight Pierce Hirst

Bratz, the 10-inch, clothes-conscious dolls, are big business. In 2007 they outsold Barbie, which more than upset Barbie's manufacturing mama, Mattel. Not only did the Bratz feature film, games and music albums make Barbie look like just another dumb blond, but the designer who conceived Bratz dolls for MGA Entertainment didn't play nice. He was on Mattel's payroll at the time. Mattel accused MGA of stealing, went to court and was awarded damages of $20 million doll-ars.

Disney is also going to court. Because the company doesn't think guns are good for business at Disney World, it's fighting a new Florida law that allows employees to bring guns to work if they leave them locked in their cars. A spokesperson for Disney said the law doesn't apply to the theme park because it exempts companies that "use, store or transport explosives". Disney World does all three every night for its fireworks show. Standing by its guns, so to speak, Disney plans to continue its zero tolerance regarding firearms. The NRA on the other hand - the one brandishing the Second Amendment - supports Disney's employees. As a result, the happiest place on earth isn't as happy as it used to be.

To stay in business CBS makes it its business to know what viewers think. The network used to do that with focus groups - putting viewers in a room and asking them questions. Now CBS is putting its faith in NeuroFocus. NeuroFocus is a Berkeley-California-based company that uses neuroscience to measure eye movement and brain waves. When viewers are fitted with sensors, data will show if they are paying attention, engaged and likely to remember what they've seen. What the data doesn't show is whether the viewers' responses are positive or negative - but maybe that's a no-brainer.

The business of the Food and Drug Administration is to protect Americans. That's what they were doing when they announced that contaminated tomatoes were the cause of the latest salmonella outbreak. Now, however, it seems the FDA made a mistake. Now the FDA has found a jalapeno pepper contaminated with the same strain of salmonella that sickened over 1,250 people. The contaminated pepper was picked in Mexico and identified at a Texas distribution center. Although investigators have been sent to Mexico, the FDA still hasn't ruled out tomatoes as the cause of the epidemic. Tomatoes + jalapeno peppers - maybe the FDA should be investigating salsa.

About the Author
Knight Pierce Hirst takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com
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