I admit it. I was the victim of marriage tests in women's magazines. When my marriage failed the "Marital Aptitude Test", I was concerned. When it failed "Are You and Your Mate Well Mated?", I started to worry. However, when it failed the "Monogamous Multiple Choice", I decided my marriage needed help.
My husband disagreed. He said the problems would go away as soon as I stopped reading women's magazines when I went to the doctor. John doesn't believe in marriage counseling. He thinks marriage counselors profit from others' mistakes.
Instead of turning to the yellow pages for help, I asked a friend to recommend a counselor. Lilly became an expert in marriage counseling in the midst of her third marriage and enthusiastically made an appointment for me with her latest counselor - a man she assured me was in touch with his feminine side.
The appointment was the following week, which meant I had less than a week to convince John to go. How did I manage this minor miracle? Frankly, it was much easier than I'd expected. John agreed to go right after I agreed we should hire someone to mow our lawn.
At our first session the counselor asked me some questions. Then he asked John some questions. Then he asked us to come back next week. This went on for three weeks and each week we noticed our marriage was getting better.
During the fourth week the problem with our marriage became obvious - to us, not the counselor. We hadn't been spending enough time together. That's when we stopped spending time with the counselor. In fact, we used the money we'd been paying him to pay for a weekly date night.
Marriage counselors are helpful - they're not magicians. They're also very busy. Half of Southern California is in some kind of counseling and the other half will probably discover they need counseling too.
There are always problems. John still doesn't remember what I say and I still try to get him to talk about his feelings. There's no such thing as a perfect marriage. I accept that. Now I take my own magazines when I go to the doctor.
All I want in my marriage is romance, open communication, compassionate understanding and an equal partnership in life. Oh yes, and I want my coach to stay a coach - not turn back into a pumpkin at midnight. |
