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Back to Humor

Can You Burn Calories Exercising Your Judgment?


by Knight Pierce Hirst

From our previous house I could see a constant stream of bicyclers, joggers and skaters go by. Now I see the ocean. As beautiful as it is, it doesn't inspire me to exercise. I wave at the ocean and it waves back.

I know exercise should be as routine as eating and sleeping; but considering I skip breakfast and my husband has insomnia, exercise is just as routine for us.

I always plan to exercise; but before I can, I come up with another plan. Exercise plans, however, don't change. They have three components - strength, endurance and flexibility.

Of course, if physical exercise isn't your thing, you can get strength from character, endurance from a long marriage and flexibility from compromise.

If you're not good at compromise, you need to vacuum more. I discovered vacuuming under and in back of furniture builds flexibility. The more guests you have, the more flexible you become.

Exercise also increases circulation, which is good for everything from your skin to your brain. In fact, there's scientific proof exercising helps older peoples' memories. Unfortunately, you'll have to take my word for it because I can't remember what the proof is.

However, I do remember reading you can get enough aerobic exercise by doing four sets of thirty-second jumping jacks, with four-minute rests in between. Now I do that while I'm walking the dog. I'm not sure it's doing me any good, but I inspire passersby to exercise their facial muscles by smiling.

On rainy days I get my aerobic exercise at the gym; but whether I'm on a treadmill, bike or step machine, I'm bored a few minutes into my thirty-minute workout. Then I start praying for a power failure or wishing the people who make the fast-ticking timers for parking meters also made the timers for exercise machines.

Exercise machines are everywhere. The bad news is exercise machines are everywhere. Hotels have them - although having exercise machines in a Comfort Inn or Holiday Inn is an oxymoron.

Nevertheless, when I get on the scale after a vacation, I can't weight to exercise; but how much is enough?

Some experts advise sixty minutes three times a week. Others suggest you should exercise for forty minutes after you start to sweat. Still others say a daily, twenty-minute walk is enough. I say you haven't exercised enough until you can look at yourself naked in a mirror.

About the Author
Knight Pierce Hirst takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com
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