It is universally agreed that one of the most difficult decisions a
caregiver must make is deciding when it is finally time to choose a
long term care facility for a loved one. Accepting that home is no
longer enough is tremendously difficult for a caregiver and all
concerned. Not only must families handle the grief, heartbreak and
guilt of the placement, but they must also decide which type of care
facility will be most appropriate for a loved one - plus, how to manage
family finances. This period is, without a doubt, one of the most
stressful for any family, especially for the the caregiver.
For the caregiver the bitter grief of separation and lingering guilt
about the choice continues throughout this period. Caregiver strain can
be made even harder by the patient who pleads to return home or asks
staff to call the caregiver at home. Caregiver guilt can be
devastating. As friends, family and community we can help acaregiver at
this time. Telephone the caregiver often, or better still drop by for a
visit. Listen to caregiver concerns and offer your support. Caregiving
can be a very lonely game. A caregiver who has been out of the "social
circle" for awhile will welcome an invitation to lunch or other
pleasant outing.
Please don't forget the person in the care facility. Visit often, take
old photos to jog pleasant memories and stimulate conversation. Knowing
that friends and family continue to visit is a great comfort to the
caregiver. We often hear from caregivers dealing with these issues.
Connie Metsger, director of Sun City's Residence for Alzheimer's Care,
offers good advice:
"Dear Connie: My husband has recently moved into an Assisted Living
Facility. He has had Alzheimer's disease for five years and has reached
a stage where I could not manage his care at home any longer. I feel
horrible about leaving him there, and I cannot get the image of his sad
eyes out of my mind. The thought that we shall never again share the
same home often brings me to tears. My friends tell me I made the right
choice, and I know that they are correct. I have tried to get back to
my old activities, but I feel so callous. How can I enjoy myself when
Bob is so unhappy? I end up spending most days at the facility. Is the
rest of my life going to be like this? - Judy
Making the decision to place a loved one under care is probably one of
the hardest decisions a caregiver can ever be asked to make. Once the
decision has been made, it is also very common to question whether you
did the right thing. Going to a caregiver support group and hearing
this from others may be helpful to you. They can share tips on how they
handled their periods of caregiver adjustment. The trials of caregiver
adjustment are not easily grasped by those who have not experienced
similar hardship. Children and other family members may benefit from
counseling as well. These are psychologically traumatic events, and we
must deal with them as maturely and sensibly as possible."
Having to place your loved one in a care facility is hard enough.
Trying to come up with the money to pay for their care can make a hard
situation unbearable. Don't wait until it's too late. Speak to your
long term care insurance Buyer's Advocate to see if coverage is right
for you and your family.
Article written by Clay Cotton |
